he's just not that into you

part of this whole dating adventure has been to rebuild confidence in myself, particularly in my looks. i remember once the ex mentioned that he really didn't like when i would get home and change into my sweat pants & t-shirt and it made it so that he wasn't really attracted to me. he also would mention quite frequently how fat he thought i was - and not really in a way intended to be insulting. but it's hard to know that the person who supposedly loves you thinks anything other than that you are the most beautiful woman in the world.

now, i know i'm not the most beautiful woman in the world. this isn't news to me. i won't ever be a stereotypical "10." and y'know what? i'm ok with that. i have a bazillion other things going for me. i'm tall. i've got great boobs. i'm smart. i'm witty. sometimes. i entertain myself, at least. but being a skinny model-esque girl is not part of my future. and that's fine. it really is.

what i'm done with, though, is being the fat chick.

i've managed to figure out something that is going to work for me - and i've got a plan to pursue that goal. i'll get there. i am just feeling like this shell that i've been living in isn't reflecting the real me - and while it's not all about getting a man, because it's not, i just feel as though people aren't giving me a real chance because of the way i look and it's affecting my confidence levels.

i'm adding to my list of things that the perfect man possesses though - and one of those is that the perfect man will think i am absolutely at my sexiest in my freakin' sweatpants.

......just as long as i don't wear them out to walmart. =P