several people have called me brave today for finally leaving the note for starbucks guy with the baristas. they seem to be on my side with the whole situation. i was terrified. i ended up just kind of mumbling the whole story out, and then leaving as soon as my drink was ready. i can only trust now that they will take pity on my poor flustered self and deliver the note & the coffee to him. bonus - i found out his name today. no, i'm not telling.
so. as the first paragraph stated, i still maintain that it's better to put yourself out there than not. and along with that comes my personal belief that honesty is always the best policy. if you are not into someone, like i was definitely not into "the experiment," it's best to just be upfront and tell him. he texted yesterday (shortly after i wrote the blog entry) asking me to go go-karting on thursday. i thanked him, and said that he wasn't what i was looking for and that i wished him good luck. i've received a similar text message myself. gentle, yet to the point. awesome.
the flip side to this honesty is that i also believe that if you're into someone, you should also tell them. the danger with this is that you are seriously opening up your heart to someone that you don't know very well and therefore cannot necessarily trust. your brain says "look before you leap, dumbass," and your heart is very clearly distracted by the bright blue eyes. the heart, and well, other body parts.
after an 8 hour date on sunday, i allowed my heart the satisfaction of skipping a beat whenever a text message popped up. i allowed my heart the joy of telling other people how i felt. i allowed my heart to set up a third date for last night. and, with all of that expectation built up in my head (who tends to just go along with the heart's desires - i need to look into that), i let myself be extremely disappointed when the date was cancelled last night with one of the usual blow off excuses.
i try to rationalize like most women. "oh, yeah, he could totally be tired." yeah. could be. but i know in my head (who tends to be the smart one in this relationship) that there's something else going on.
so the danger with infatuation is that when you let yourself go without regard for consequences, you can get pretty seriously hurt. yep. noted.
the thing is, though, that i'm still not entirely sure i would've done anything differently given the same set of circumstances. i still believe that holding your emotions back and playing games is detrimental, not to mention irritating. and blue eyed guy could just have been tired and he'll be texting or calling in a few days and we'll talk it out and laugh about it. or not. either way, i don't regret it!
and who knows? maybe starbucks guy won't think i'm a total psycho stalker and give me a call. or not! either way, i don't regret it.
=P
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