i used to care so much when i was setting up these first date meet up thingies. for the last few, i've realized that the excitement is just plain missing. i'm not sure if that's because i've changed my strategy and no longer spend hours texting/messaging the person before i meet up with them and thereby no longer create this fantasy person in my head and become sorely disappointed with the reality of them OR (wow this is a long sentence but i'm gonna keep going with it) if the people i'm agreeing to meet just don't spark my interest as much as they should be.
if it's the first, then that's fair enough. if it's the second, though, then i'm starting to question why i'm bothering. i know i'm not going to want to pursue something serious with these guys. i'm wondering if it's fair to them, because they are simply seeking love like the rest of us. if i have no intention of sleeping with them or becoming more than friends... is it fair?
things to think about, anyway.
the flip side to this pure selfishness is that i am happier now than i have been in a really long time. i'm taking care of myself. i'm meeting new (and totally fantastic) people from different walks of life. i'm expanding my horizons. i'm doing things i never could have pictured myself doing and still have no idea how i'd follow through on (more on that at a later time). my life isn't perfect, but i am absolutely capable of mastering my own destiny. let's hope i can hang onto this.
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